Numbness...

It is Saturday morning and I am retreating to my room this morning.  In a few hours, we start our trip to learn about Saint Bridget  but my energy is low.  A cup of instant coffee  and a protein bar will suffice.

Last night, I was restless so I read into the night.  “What makes a young, Cambridge educated woman first join a religious order and then, if that were not demanding enough, seek a hermit vocation, literally on the edge of the world with only a simple hut as protection against Atlantic winds and storms?”  The Anglican nun Verona Schiller takes me on her journey of solitude and retreat.

It helps me reflect on the frenetic nature of my life and how little time I take to step back and evaluate the beauties right before me.  I think for me, my Sunday time at St Luke‘s church fills that void.  It forces me to sit still for a while and just listen.   It helps me reflect on the last week, it’s challenges and opportunities.   It’s a time for me to be thankful for all my many blessings.  It brings me together with a community of like-minded people bonded in spirituality.   

When I get home, I will re-read Anne Morrow  Lindbergh’s  book Gift from the Sea which I’ve read so many times throughout my life.  Each time I read it, I gain perspective  about ways I can reduce my stress and enjoy my life more fully, being conscious of the present moment. So true on this journey I have been consumed with learning, looking up things on my cell phone about each place we have visited, each saint, each historical event and each new “word”, concept, or philosophy that was previously foreign to me. 

Today, I strive to stay in the moment as I experience it and not feel bound to enhance my  knowledge until a later time. It seems this will enhance my journey here, to dive deeper into the moment.

R.S. Thomas poem shared by Teresa

R. S. Thomas, Welsh poet

I have seen the sun break through

to illuminate a small field

for a while, and gone my way

and forgotten it. But that was the

pearl of great price, the one field that had

treasure in it. I realise now

that I must give all that I have

to possess it. Life is not hurrying on

 to a receding future, nor hankering after

an imagined past. It is the turning aside like Moses to the miracle of the lit bush, to a brightness

that seemed as transitory as your youth once, but is the eternity that awaits you.

St. Brynach’s and St. Non

Some days, I find my head spins.  This is partially because I have not been in the Episcopal church for very long to know all their rites and rituals (in high church) that are different from the Catholic church.  There are new words to learn/digest and questions I encounter every day on this journey and it’s helpful because there are so many deacons, priests, and long time Episcopalians along this journey.

I’m thankful for meeting Leslie from Australia who is an ordained minister there and she is one who has rallied for women priests in the Episcopal church there.  She’s taking me by the hand and helping me through some of the liturgy in the “high church” services.  She has been a gift to me on this journey. 

Today, I had lunch with Jackie (and Monnie) from No. Carolina.  She is an ordained deacon. I was curious to talk with them because Jackie’s church survived the growing pains and break up of a church who had gone through the same things that St Luke’s went through as a congregation. Half the church disagreed on the role of women as priests and gay marriage.  Although I was not at St Luke’s when they went through the divisive breakup, the details are strikingly similar. 

She told me of their fundraising effort’s and their strategies on how they raised enough money to get their church out of debt. She and Monnie also shared about the grueling processes they went through to become deacons which took over three years.  They also shared about how they came to realize that that was the path they wanted to take. 

I’m finding this pilgrimage is so much more than I thought it would be: lessons steeped in history, ecclesiastical history, liturgical rites and ceremonies, lives of saints...but also human relations as we 20 people interact with each other. Our ages range from 50 something through 80 something ...and each person brings their life experiences and a graciousness about sharing with each other.

Then there are the individuals that Frank and Theresa have chosen to share their knowledge with us as we travel along this path. They are a rich, rich part of this journey.  A perfect example today is Steve Watkins from Nevern whose family dates 100 or more years in St. Brynach’s church.  In his inimitable style, he told us not only of the history of Saint Brynach (as little was written), but also of the history of the church through the centuries.  It was a fascinating journey he took us on as he told of the early beginnings of the Celtic church, the cell communities, the building of a structure, the expansion of structure, the attacks of the Vikings, the arrival of the Norsemen, and finally the Romans.  History was interwoven with a sense of humor (Pilgrims were compared to hippies of the 60s) as well as interspersed with architectural details.  It all worked.  Then we walked the pilgrim path to the site where they kneeled to touch the rock Cross in the stone.  He then took us to the place where the feet of the pilgrims wore the stone thin.  It is at this place that I looked down, in a heart shape stone was at my feet.  

We then returned to Saint David’s where Janet Ingrahm let us down the pilgrims path to the holy well of Saint Non.  Once again, the records of oral tradition and the stories told from ages to ages, coming down generations, shaped our journey.  She would stop and ask for a time of prayer and then that would bring the discussion of history and folklore into an understanding of where we were on the path today. In a word, it was exquisite. She was so thoughtful, reflective, articulate... it drew us all in.

I believe that I am not alone in knowing why I am on this path at this stage of my life but I do know that this is exactly what I need at this stage of my life. 

I know that in my transition from Catholicism to the Episcopal church that I had so much pain that I need to resolve.  It is not easy to leave leave one’s childhood’s faith when it is so ingrained in who you are.  Yet the beauty I’ve discovered is that my church doesn’t require that I leave anything behind ... but invites me to bring the richness of those experiences to the new experiences of a more open and less judgmental church.  

So here I am today, a wandering pilgrim, looking to enhance my relationship to God, just as the pilgrims did on their journeys.

Ps excuse typos, voice texting... and it’s late

A day at St. David’s Cathedral

Today was day two of our pilgrimage and we met at 10:30 to walk to Saint David’s cathedral. As I came down the hill and turned the corner, the sight of this cathedral almost took my breath away.  

As we entered the cathedral for the choral matin service, it felt as if I was stepping back in time.  That was true for my understanding of how the structure changed throughout history as David’s very early monastery cells became a little church soon to be plundered by the Normans and then rebuilt by the Romans.  I was also stepping back to a very conservative, traditional service.  My church at St. Luke’s of the Mountains is such a modern church with contemporary songs and a band.  This choir was dressed in full robes and had candles lit before them and behind them. Quite remarkable!  

Since most of my years were spent in a Catholic Church, some of the Anglican rites were foreign to me.  Still, I could barely recite words to readings or sing the traditional hymns.  I feel so overwhelmed by this very tradition and the beauty of the music. I could barely speak when it was over.  

I returned in the evening for Choral Evensong which again centered me within the “high church” practices and ceremony.

As Teresa warned us, some of our days would be filled with so many impressions and experiences and it is true, but only when the day is done, can I sift through all my thoughts and impressions.  When I returned to my room after dinner, I reflected how “Roman” this service was and far from the very early days of Celtic Christianity.  Our docent gave us some wonderful information on the history of the church.  He commented that David would have not have approved  how he was depicted in his sculpture.  He was depicted as a high bishop in formal robes, instead of the garb of a simple man.  

An exhausting, beautiful day!

Celtic Sunrise by Diana Leatham

Celtic Sunrise; An Outline of Celtic Christianity by Diana Leatham

• Though they had a profound love of learning, the pre-Christian Celts never thought of writing. pg. 18
• Monasteries in the Celtic sense of the world meant groups of men of women--families--who were housed in viallages of squat little bee-hive cells, oeach occuped by oneor more monks or nuns." pg. 19
• pre-christian stones were upright structures used to mark graves or important places. St. Martin was one of the first to use these structures and have them incised with Chi-Rho (pg. 24)
• Two of finest are crosses at Nerran and Carew in Pembrokeshire. pg 25
• The date of Christmas was decided about the 4th century following the pagan feast of the sun's birthday (pg. 52)
• if traditional Gildas followed is based on fact Christianity reached Britain only 6 years after the cruxifiction!  pg. 54
• Monastic settlements in Wales 5th century. Among the earliest were Llanfeugan, by Irish disciples of St. Niniam and a school run by St. Brychan.  King Arthur in 5th century won 12 victories against the Picts and Scots, setting stage for the age of saints pg. 61
• St. David attended synod 560 at Brevi in Cardiganshire.  Became the ecclesiasstical head of all South Wales.  Holy, loving, kindness Soul friend, Confessor,
• St. Hya, one of earliest saints revered in Cornwall. St. Teath, St, Keyne
• St. Patrick, converted all of Ireland in 30 years; brought invention of writing, latin alphabet, law, folklore, learning, scriptures, theology and the classics.
• St. Brigid, founded Kildare 5th century. travelled as much as Patrick, supervising settlements. Befriended Conlaeth first bishop to live under an abbess. metalworker, chalices, patens, book rests, covers hand bells
• St. Brendan one of St. Finian's Twelve Apostles of Ireland; voyages to explore the ATlantic